Paul had his cystoscopy yesterday. The doctor said he did not find anything unusual…no kidney stones or strictures. He was stumped. As was I. My first thought was Paul is going to be glad there is no apparent problems with his kidney and other organs, but he is going to be discouraged because we still don’t know what is wrong. I was right. Paul was happy, but actually depressed at the same time.
Paul felt pretty miserable after the procedure. Let’s just say he was glad he was under anesthesia for the procedure because it is like getting catheterized only worse… It was VERY uncomfortable to have to pee afterwards and still is today. He puked several times yesterday and just felt really miserable. His back was absolutely killing him yesterday… By late last night his back had finally calmed down.
Amazingly, today Paul’s back feels the best it has felt in three months. We don’t know if they dislodged something when they were in there and just didn’t see it or what. We are just hoping this a permanent thing! We don’t want to jinx it!
My heart has been full of sadness the last couple of days. I have been following a blog about a guy named Trent who had Pleomorphic Spindle Cell Sarcoma. His wife Holly, had been keeping this amazing blog http://lookingupandkneelingdown.blogspot.com/. I was very touched by her strength, honesty and spirituality. I would talk to Paul about what was happening in their lives. I could relate to so much of what she said. I felt like she was my friend and I didn’t even know her. I prayed for them. I wanted Trent to live!
Unfortunately (or fortunately for him because he had been through so much), Trent passed away early yesterday morning. Strangely, the way I found out was not by their blog, but on facebook. One of my dear friends (also a mission companion) had posted it on her wall. I was schocked! I didn’t know that Cindy new Holly and Trent. Evidently, they had become good friends in Nebraska. Anyway, I called Cindy and cried and cried with her. I told her that I have been wanting to meet Holly. Cindy told me what an amazing person she is. I guess that now I will actually get to meet Holly. I just wish it was under better circumstances. I know that Holly’s heart is absolutely breaking right now! Not to mention that there are five beautiful children that are going to be missing their daddy…sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair…
Paul will be officially retiring on disability in December. His short term disability runs out in December and then we will be on retirement/LTD. His health is not good enough to go back to work. All the doctors have told us that he will always battle fatigue, dumping syndrome, and numerous other problems because of the lack of his stomach. Obviously, retiring when you have a nine-year-old and six-year-old isn’t the ideal, but you do what you have to do. We met with our financial planner today, if all goes as planned (won’t know for sure for a few months), I will not have to go back to work. That in itself is a huge blessing!!!
I pray daily that Paul’s cancer will not return. I pray daily that I will be strong enough to handle what comes our way. I pray daily that Heavenly Father will forgive me for not always being as grateful as I should be. I do know that it is so important to be grateful for even the small things, but sometimes you just feel a little like having a pity party. We really have been blessed throughout this whole ordeal. God has given us amazing family and friends who constantly are supporting us and lifting us up.
I think this post has gone on long enough…